There are thieving little imps in my house.

I’m gonna catch the little beasts one of these days.

We run two businesses out of our home; my husband’s trucking company and Paperweight Productions, my writing and design business. With two sets of books, invoicing and filing systems, y’all…I need office supplies. The problem is, I can never seem to find any.

I bought mechanical pencils for me. The points are always sharp. Boy howdy! And my kids the sneaky imps kept spiriting them away. Eventually, I gave in, bought both my children huge packs of mechanical pencils and myself a pack of plain yellow #2’s. Why steal Mom’s ugly plain pencils when you have nifty mechanical ones, right?

My ugly pencils are all gone again.

I have one — count ’em — ONE broken mechanical pencil with no eraser on my desk. It’s not as though the children have no supplies of their own, I buy them supplies all school year, plus keep a community drawer in the kitchen. But no, they prefer to raid my home office.

Looking around, I see that my big eraser is gone. My good ruler has departed and in its place is a clear one that’s hard to read with edges so pitted it doesn’t make straight lines. My stapler is empty, my tape is almost gone, my sharp office shears have a notch in one blade and I’m almost out of printer paper.

Again.

I’m going to take a deep breath, count to 10, and think positive thoughts. Then I’m going to hurt somebody. 

Although oddly enough, I seem to have a never ending supply of paper clips. I have no idea where they come from, but I use them constantly and the supply never dwindles. Paper clips are, however, a poor substitute for writing utensils and printer paper.

If you should hear loud yelling at around 3:30 this afternoon, take no notice. It’ll just be me re-establishing boundaries. To wit, when my children get home from school there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I doubt I’ll get much out of their backpacks–I’ll have to stock up again. And this time I’m using Dexter the Dog’s method to settle territorial dispute:  I’ll just pee on everything.

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I CHALLENGE YOU…to challenge You.

*Kelly picks up a gauntlet and hurls it to the floor! It bounces, lands on her toe and she whimpers just a bit before going back to her speech*

I’ve been trying to challenge myself a bit more with reading material as of late. I wanted to read some of the ‘classics’ just so I could tell myself I did it–not for a school assignment years ago, but recently, and just for me. At first it was a little awkward to read novels out of my comfort zone, but I stuck with them and I’m glad I did. The writing is different but impressive in its own way. I think you should give it a shot, too! (Bonus–when your kids have to read these in high school you’ll actually be able to answer questions without Cliffs Notes. Woooo!)

So far, I’ve read and enjoyed:

Animal Farm (George Orwell) A great starter because it’s short, easy to read and easy to see the subtext behind the story.

1984 (George Orwell) More difficult, but I liked this one so much I read it twice in a row and bought my own copy.

Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury) Slightly easier to read than 1984. Again, liked it enough to buy a copy.

And because I am insane, I decided to really stretch myself and I’m currently reading The Iliad (Homer – translated by Richard Lattimore) which is a novel-length poem about the battle of Troy. I had to read the first 4 pages 3 times and check the Glossary a few times to figure out who was who, but now that I’m into it I’m really enjoying myself. If you know anything about Greek Mythology or have seen the movie Troy (loosely, and I do mean loosely, based on The Iliad) it would be helpful background for this book. This one is the hardest by far that I’ve read, and sometimes I have to re-read a page or double-check a person in the glossary, but I’m getting through and enjoying it immensely.

Waiting patiently on my end table are The Double, Notes From the Underground and The Eternal Husband (all by Dostoevsky – translated by Constance Garnett) as well as The Screwtape Letters (C.S. Lewis). No input on those as I haven’t read them yet, but I’m betting after Homer they’ll look a whole lot easier. lol!

I challenge you to challenge YOU. Go to the library and find a classic to sink your teeth into. You may find it more enjoyable than you think. When you do (or if you have), let’s hear your recommendations.

What are YOUR favorite classics?

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Ayup, I’m still alive.

I’ve been doing a lot of mental housecleaning and prioritizing. Yeah, I know. I’m almost a month behind for New Year’s resolutions. Procrastination is on my list. I figure I’ll get to it eventually.

This weekend I discovered something. We have come full circle. I am officially a GROWN UP who is owned by CHILDREN. Case in point:

Think back to early 1980-ish. I was in sixth or seventh grade. Do you remember holding your ginormous cassette recorder up to the radio speaker, fingers poised, and clicking Record the second a good song began to play? I still run across old cassettes missing the first 3 seconds of every song.

Well this weekend, I called to dd#1 from the kitchen. DD#2 came running, shooshing me. (Oh how I despise being shooshed!) I walked into the living room expecting to find my oldest on the telephone and none too happy she hadn’t asked permission first. Instead, I found a major attack of deja vu.

There sat my daughter with her Mp3 player pressed up against the computer speaker…recording a song off YouTube.

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Technology is my Foe

You know what? I miss the good old days of beating messages in Morse code on a rock, or painting them on cave walls with smushed up berries. I hold the ‘latest and the greatest’ in complete disdain. You’d think my friends and family would know this by now.

“How come you never answer my text messages?” Because I don’t read them, silly! Most of the texts I get are spam, and  the phone truncates the addies so I have to jump through hoops to find who sent what anyway.  I hate responding by hunting and pecking letters on minuscule keys and tend to get lost somewhere in the eight THOUSAND menus of features I don’t use…so I have a blanket policy to just delete them all.  

Yes, I admit it. The old people Jitterbug phone is made for people like me.

I hate the learning process that comes with new programs and gadgets. It’s like an undesirable puzzle I have no choice but to solve. And as the most technically proficient humanoid in our household (believe it or not–although our 13 year old is catching up), everyone comes to ME for direction. This is not a good thing.

I can put music on my Mp3. I can listen to it, too. How to find a particular song? Not a clue. How to organize it by genre, or delete Dominick the Donkey that my daughter added as a joke?  No idea. I push Play and the thing goes. That’s what I know.

Dh was given a Garmin for his birthday.  A fine present for any truck driver. He promptly asked me how to work it. Uh, I don’t know. See that manual thingie? Read it. Let me know when you figure out how it works–I might want to borrow it sometime.

And yet.

Somehow I Forrest Gump my way through. Yesterday, I managed to set up a secure network, change our laptop’s AV program and get our daughter’s PSP online. It took about 4 hours and I have absolutely no idea how I did it and couldn’t repeat it on a bet, but I did it!

My computer guru loves me. Why, I don’t know. Perhaps it’s the challenge. When I have computer issues, he’ll say, “Well what did you do/try/change?”   Ummm…I don’t really know. There was a pop up thingie, and it asked me something, and I clicked Yes. That didn’t work, so I got into the settings and kept trying different boxes and stuff.

I’m very helpful like that.

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There is a disturbance in The Force.

There is a strange phenomenon that occurs once every millenium or so. (At least, according to my children.) That strange event is informally known as Mom Gets Sick.

While my nasty sinus-headache-flu-ey thing is nothing to write home about, it does warrant a few temporary changes in our household. Seriously, I’m dragging ass and prefer few demands are made upon me. The more chores I can shuck, the better. And really, our kids are 9 and 13. Is it asking so much for them to pitch in?

Mo-ommmm! The dog wants out. (As I lay there on the couch, hugging a heating pad and honking into a kleenex.)

Then take him.

But I had to take him last time. It’s not my turn!

Sweetie, I don’t feel well. Your sister’s in the bathroom, please take the dog for a walk.

But Mo-ommmm! I’m busy! (She’s sitting in the recliner, working a Rubik’s cube.)

-Dexter the dog crosses his eyes and whines profusely-

Child, (which sounds like ‘Chide’ when one’s doze iss stuvved ub.) I want you to know I say this with love in my heart. But if you don’t take the dog outside right. stinking. now.  I’m going to sell you AND your sister. Together. To a militant dog-walking academy that ignores all child labor laws.

Do I really haavvvve to?

Unless you want him to crap in your snow boots, then yes, you do.

Hurry up and feel better soon, Mom.

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Edward, Bella and the Power of Communication

My daughter wants to go see Twilight with a friend. Our conversation went something like this:

“Mom, can I go to the movies with Shelby tomorrow night? It’s opening night for Twilight.”

“Mmmm, are her parents ok with it?”

“Yeah. Of course. They’re good.”

“Will you need a ride home?”

“Uh…um…well kinda.”

“Kinda? What’s kinda? You need a ride home or you don’t.”

“Well yeah–when you put it like that. We kinda need a ride there, too.”

“We?”

“Well yeah–Shelby and me.”

“Shelby’s parents aren’t driving her to the show?”

“We thought you could do it.”

“So you’re telling me that Shelby invited you to go see a movie, and she needs a ride to and from the show.”

“Ayuhuh.”

“Has she even asked her parents if she can go?”

“I don’t really know. We didn’t discuss that part.”

“You told me her parents were fine with the idea.”

“Well they didn’t say NO.” <insert eyeball roll right here.>

(sigh.) Teenagers.

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