With skyrocketing gas prices, many families are opting to spend more time at home this summer. But what to do with the kids? In order to buy them off entertain the cherubs, many parents are considering the purchase of a brand new trampoline. Ooooh! Ahhhhhh! But not you! You’re more savvy than that, you crafty parent, you! You’ll let them stick to the couch, because YOU understand the Top 5 Reasons NOT to Buy a Trampoline This Summer.
5. You’re a smarter parent than I am. You recognize that this monstrosity attractive nuisance will be a bright and shining beacon for every child in the neighborhood. Big kids, small kids, juvenile delinquents from the next town over–kids you’ve never seen before! They ALL show up on your doorstep claiming to be your child’s best friend, and they almost never leave.
4. You’re already the owner of a 2nd mortgage, and don’t want to take out a 3rd when they up your insurance premiums. What’s a little bouncy thing in the yard? A set of braces and a cancelled trip to Cancun, that’s what!
3. You enjoy having a house without a single shattered window. Bad things happen when it occurs to small children that trampolines not only bounce bodies–they can also bounce toys. Remember that baseball you bought for Junior so he could play catch with Daddy? It somehow loses its warm fuzzy glow when you find it on your dining room table amid shards of glass.
2. You like your kid’s head in its current shape. Trampolines have a tendency to change that. If the little urchins would only jump up and down on the things, there would be no issue–but jumping in place presents no challenge! Oh no, they like to back flip and dive from the trampoline into the pool. Emergency rooms love trampolines. So do chiropractors and ambulance chasing attorneys. Insurance agents…not so much. Mine has a permanent twitch in his right eye from dealing with ours.
…And the number 1 reason NOT to buy a trampoline this summer?
1. You’ve never seen the family pet hork up twice its body weight after its very first bouncing lesson.
Nor do you ever care to.