I am the coolest Mom in the Galaxy

Just so you know–the title is mine. Call Guinness.

Today is the last field trip of the school year. The school is going to a tiny state park. Again. To see the lighthouse. Again. That they cannot tour due to a decrepit set of stairs. Again. My oldest daughter can recite about half the dusty old speech given by the even dustier 84 year old lighthouse worker.

And it’s rainy, muggy and wet.

Now I’m a firm believer in school attendance and supporting class activities. But come on. I’d rather get my legs waxed with sandpaper and road tar than chaperon that trip one more time. (In crappy weather, no less!) I can only imagine how badly my children don’t want to go.

And so, when they asked, (after conferring with dh, of course), I said they could skip school. The trip takes all day, so they’re not missing any class work anyway. And with that wee little bend in the rules, I’ve become the A-#1 Coolest Mom EVAH!  Yes, I know it’s a fleeting title. I’ll be plain ol’ Mom again by noon. But for this brief and shining moment–I’ll take it!

 

 

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Why I can never show my face on field trips again.

If you’ve never ridden in a bus full of elementary school students, I highly recommend you hop aboard one. Everyone should face The Abyss at least once in life.

My 3rd grader conned me into chaperoning a field trip yesterday. With gas prices approaching unsecured loan status, I opted to take the bus.

Ho boy.

The noise level on an elementary school bus is roughly akin to the Superdome during a thrash metal concert. My nerves were jangling, my jaw was clenched, and once the singing began, my left eye began to twitch. It was going to be a loooooong day.

They began at the front of the bus. The littlest passengers started singing, “The wheels on the bus go round and round!…” 

My day just got longer.

As my brain began to bleed several stanzas later, my battered ears detected a new sound. Quiet at first, it began picking up volume from the back of the bus. What’s that…?  I started to experience a moment of panic as I recognized two things: The ever increasing volume of Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, and the fact that MY kid was leading the chorus.

Panic set in as I felt disapproving looks from every chaperon on the bus. I looked across the way at my darling child, who was grinning at me from ear to ear. Joined by a host of her friends, she kept right on belting out the song.

“Ooooh-EE! Shut my mouth! Slap your Grandma…!”

Grandma, I swear I didn’t teach her that song.

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