You laugh, but evil chickens exist. They are building websites, infiltrating video games, creeping into blogs, (not just mine, either!), showing up on cartoons and even taking over towns! (Beware the beaked demons at that last link. They almost got me. Seriously.)
So wrong, and yet so right.
Yet even to me, someone freaked out by chickens, an almost $2500 price tag seems just a Wii steep.
For that kind of coin I don’t want a cd with life affirming messages sprinkled with comments about fill-in-the-blank phobia. I want a college education. That’s right, I said it. If they want my business, they’ll have to open Chicken University, (Cluck U. for short.)
Imagine the help people like me could receive from such an educational endeavor! I can even plan a course list for a well rounded degree. I’m sure it would look something like this:
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Basic Overview: Cluck U. Intro to Evil Chickens
Mathematics: Solving “Which Came First” Through Algebraic Equation
English: Clucking for Dummies
Foreign Language: Clucking for Overseas Dummies
U.S. Economics: Poultrycide 101
Business: Earning Scratch with Scratch (Retail) –or– Getting Laid for Buck-Buck-Bucks (Production. Unless of course Cluck U. opens in Nevada, in which case it could be an entirely different medium.)
As for electives:
Interpretive Dance: The Hatchet Rebellion, as Told Through the Chicken Dance
Cosmetology: Stop the Aging Process with professor Dick Cluck
Theology: The Glorious Flight and Subsequent Fall of the Evil Chicken
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I don’t know about you, but I think Cluck U. could be an educational asset to our country. Think of the millions of Alektorophobics (that there’s an edgy-caded term for ”people skeert of chickens”) who could benefit from such a program! In fact, I’m taking up a collection right now to get Cluck U. off the ground. Feel free to send me any extra bucks (sorry, couldn’t help m’self) you have “laying” around! (I kill me!)
What, no cooking classes? Wouldn’t those be the most therapeutic of all? Transform your terror into teriyaki kabobs? Change your chicken-hearted nature into chicken marsala?
Great, now I’m hungry. Gotta go.
p.s. Thanks for a fowl-y funny post!
Yeah, well, Cluck U too! Oh wait…. nevermind.
This was too funny! Maybe you could apply for a student loan!
Oh Elena, bad chicken puns? I thought only I would sink so low. Welcome to the dark side. We have deep fried chicken fingers. Muahahahahahaha!
MJ, in the words of Buzz Lightyear, “You’re…mocking me, aren’t you.”
Just a Mom, I was thinking ‘grant’ rather than loan, but you’re on the right track!
Can you create a university for those of us who suffer from arachnaphobia? That’s the place I would need to go.
So, I can’t remember if I’ve told you this before, but when I was in vetmed and had poultry science, I had to euthanize more than one chicken. I did my part for justice.
I don’t know about creating a university, Kween, but I’ll make you a solid deal. I will come to your house and eliminate the spiders, (I’ll even bring my own shoes to the Great Smackdown), if you’ll come to my house to gather eggs every morning. Do we have an accord?
Colby, I knew I always liked you. Gold star, girl, GOLD STAR!
I have absolutely no problem gathering eggs. Just make sure to rid my house of the nasty hairy eight legged fiends.
DEAL! Now where did I put those old shoes?
CLUCK U!! Bahahahaha!!! Girl you’re killin’ me ova heya!!!
Oh oh oh!! And no Eggstra Credit courses? :-p
BAhahahahahaha!!! Eggstra Credit–now where were you when I was writing that thing?